I wish I had the flexibility and freedom to just say fuckitall.
Nothing in particular, just feeling the weight of life and the daily grind on my shoulders. I want to fire my boss and my best friend. I want to drop the boy off with his dad and leave him there indefinitely. I want to get rid of the damn cats. I want to snuggle under my covers and cry.
Precisely what I don’t need to do, since nothing’s wrong. ( Read more )
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I’m playing around with some ideas regarding where I want to take this blog. I’ve gotta come up with something if I’m going to keep up a 365 project. I have some plans to grow this blog, to build a community, but I’m not sure what type of community I want to build.
Part of me wants to build and become part of a single mom community. Super women who work, raise kids, cook, clean, have social lives (what’s that?)…For the women trying to balance it all but knowing that having it all is too much of a sacrifice and we will not sacrifice happiness and fulfillment for someone else’s dream.
Another part of me wants to avoid pinning down a theme. A theme means no (mostly) random musings. ( Read more )
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So I know, long periods of time go by when I don’t post anything. It’s just that I get so busy and I forget that 1) I wrote down this goal that I really want to accomplish and I have this blog (two of them actually) that is part of that those goals…and then one day I’m like oh no I forgot all about my blog!
But I’m here.
Living the life.
What life is that, you may ask.
The life of a single mother, author, friend, lover, mother, aunt, cousin, caretaker, counselor…I wear quite a few hats…sometimes it’s exhausting.
I mean, such is life though…right?
The go go go, the wait wait wait, the cycles of transformation, transition and growth.
I’ve been between transitions for a while now. Sort of this mucky area where my vision is a little blurred and I have this idea about the next level but I’m not really clear where to place my foot in this climb to the top of the mountain.
But life keeps rolling on. It doesn’t matter that we’re unclear.
Funny because my theme, the word I was supposed to keep in mind all year was clarity. I need to be clear about my intentions, deliberate about everything I do, clear about my goals…Hard to do when you feel like you have no idea where you’re going.
I’ve been here before and I always move past it. The quiet before something stormy followed by something great. Such is the cycle of life. Up and down, spinning ’round, dodging fast balls and learning to catch them with one hand and throw it back.
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This morning I watched the presidential inauguration; the first I have ever bothered watching. For the most part I thought it was all pomp and circumstance, but there was definitely a sense of excitement about the new president being sworn in.
I keep thinking about the amount of pressure Obama must be feeling. So much of our hope for change has been projected onto him. I’ve even heard a few of my neighbors talking about how so much was going to change for blacks…
Its kinda sad that on the day Obama was elected, the passing of Prop. 8 cast a dark cloud over the celebration and this time, apparently, it is the stocks that continue to plummet…that and the unfortunate Kennedy seizure during the inaugural luncheon.
These are not the things I’ll remember though. I’ll remember the palpable excitement and anxiety…That moment when I thought I saw just a glimmer of nerves when Obama was making that walk towards the stage to give his oath. He was so cool though, focused…I saw it though, a slight glimmer of “Oh my GOD! This is it!”
Ask me if I remember what he said and I’d have to admit that I haven’t processed it all yet. I haven’t gotten past the inflections in his voice, the way Obama speaks with such sincerity…
Hope indeed.
In many ways I’m just waiting to see what shape Obama’s presidency will take. The problems he has inherited are massive and in my mind, practically insurmountable. This is the perfect environment for Obama to show what he’s got; do the job he was hired to do.
It seems so strange to think of it that way, as a job…truly it is one of the gig of a lifetime, but it is after all a job. The office is said to age people incredibly quickly. With so much work to do, it will be interesting to see what Obama looks like after his second term.
I want to see what he’s going to do, see how the American people respond to his leadership.
I am…hopeful.
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