Goals « Kymlee Is Awesome

Tagged: Goals

Apr 27

Revelations from being unfocused and frustrated

Somehow I knew that I was going to have a hard time focusing when I went to yoga yesterday. I need to do laundry and I was wearing these shorts that are fine in the house, but otherwise make me feel really exposed. The class is heated anyway and it was either wear the shorts or skip yoga, and I really wanted to go. So I wore the shorts hoping for a spot on the back wall, where no one would be behind me.

Instead I ended up second row from the front, with two guys and a scent happy woman behind me. I was already feeling like I’d be flashing everyone when I got into downward dog, and then the instructor turned the lights up. I was uncomfortable, self-conscious, disconnected from my breath and just waiting for the class to be over.

I tried to fight through and find a focused place but ended up leaving about 10 minutes before the class ended, frustrated. With everything. Frustrated about the unfocused and ineffective yoga experience. Frustrated that things didn’t go according to plan. Frustrated about having to wait. Frustrated with my finances.

And what does all this frustration get me?

It doesn’t make the things go my way. Doesn’t make me stop wanting. Doesn’t help the focus. Doesn’t help me be happy.

I recalled previous yoga instructors reminding us to be focused and present on the mat and how that focus was always what made the yoga experience most effective and fun.

Its so natural for the mind to wonder off to some moment other than the one you’re experiencing right now. To get so focused on what’s next that you become frustrated and ineffective. But I have never found yoga as frustrating as when I struggled to connect with my breath and be present on the mat.

Such is the same with building a business, a relationship, and even with raising kids. The more present we are in each individual moment, the more those moments make you stronger and wiser. And each focused moment builds momentum to move you closer to your vision.

Image by Funkdooby

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Finding Focus Goals Introspection Reflections

Mar 14

Shaking off the corporate Stockholm syndrome

Ever have so many things change all at once that you don’t know how to begin getting back to normalcy? That’s how I’m feeling right now.

Once I left the day job, I decided to take it easy. I knew I was going to eventually start looking for freelance projects, but I wanted to enjoy the sunshine and the freedom for a little while.

I started getting the itch to nest and since I now had the means, I got a few things to make my living and work space comfortable. With David’s arrival the nesting turned into a lingering domesticity as we settled into the experience of being together for an extended period of time.

Now, with the savings starting to dry up, it’s time to get the business going and cash flow coming in. And I’m not worried about making that happen, its just a matter of getting back to work and structuring my time appropriately.

But I feel like I’m coming out of a fog…the fog of too many weeks of indulging in leisure and taking advantage of my new freedom.

It’s like this sort of corporate Stockholm syndrome, where my natural instinct for independence and autonomy has been clouded by being an employee for so long and now I have to reprogram myself. Reprogram myself not to depend on a bi-monthly paycheck and to incorporate everything I’ve learned about starting and running a small business.

So here’s to shaking off the Stockholm syndrome and getting down to the business of starting a business.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Getting Things Done Goals New Beginnings Work/Life Balance

Jan 26

Life in motion and pondering possibilities

This last week and a half has been interesting. I say interesting because I’ve been productive, relaxed and well received by the Boy.

I’m always talking about how my life has changed and the truth is that life is always changing and shifting. Still the magnitude of change for me, after my life having been fairly stagnant for the better part of a decade, has astounded me. I won’t recount everything that’s happened over the last few years (again). What I will say is that life in motion is so much more fun than life in pause.

Which brings me to a few more changes that are impending. Some of these changes are already in the works, while others are just ponderances of possibility.

What possibility am I pondering? The possibility of becoming a health and fitness professional. I suppose submitting an application for a yoga teacher training program is a little more than pondering, but it felt right. Because what better way could I find to incorporate fitness into my life than to teach fitness to others?

There’s this voice in my head that keeps saying I’m not fit enough to teach fitness to others. But that voice is a lie and as I submitted my application, answering the questions designed to gage my desire to become a yoga instructor, I had this feeling of excitement. It was excitement about the possibility of entering yet another new phase of life and not knowing what’s on the other side of the open door. Excitement about taking a leap of faith.

And why shouldn’t I make that leap? This is what the life in motion is all about. Who knows? Maybe life will continue to reward my leaps with positive return and more possibilities to ponder.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Balance Goals Health/Fitness Possibilities Reflections

Mar 03

It’s all connected

My first job out of college was with one of those early online publishers. I was skeptical at first when I was interviewed by this guy who for all of his professionalism was wearing jeans and had exposed tattoos. The interview was great and two days later I was offered the gig. I had never worked for a startup before and had been applying for PR gigs.

When I saw the ad for Know More Media, an online publisher of business news and information, I thought, hey…what the hell. I’ll either get it or not. I had never heard of this publisher but telecommuting sounded like a winner to me.

Everyone I told about the job was just as skeptical as I was. They’d raise their eyebrows and ask, “Online publisher?” At the time, the idea of a blog network that wasn’t a personal blog was still a new concept. And when my first paycheck was late, I had red flags all over the place. Turns out, the late paycheck was my fault because I had provided the wrong checking account information and being an editor at Know More Media became one of my favorite jobs ever.

The day I found out that the company was going under, was a very sad day indeed. But it left me with great professional experience and great friends. I still look back on my KMM days affectionately, have lunch with the guys from time to time and find ways to work with some of the authors who were also part of that great publishing experiment.

And this morning I was offered an opportunity to work with one of my former bosses; a semi-silent KMM partner who has always been very kind to me. I’m excited and encouraged by his confidence in my skills. I also know that this is one of many gigs that will launch my business.

I’ll forever be grateful for the experience and relationships that came out of my time at Know More Media. It prepared me for the rest of my career in the publishing industry as an editor and gatekeeper.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life, On The Job Business Experience Friendships Goals Know More Media Reflections

Feb 28

On goals, desire and the timing of it all

So I’ve been going back and forth for the last month or so about the grad school thing. The plan was to apply to this great program where I’d get two masters degrees: one from the London School of Economics and another from USC. Whether or not I would get in was never a question; I assumed that applying meant acceptance because I’m just that awesome.

The problem was in trying to figure out how I would get to London, pay tuition, support myself as a student in another country and then in 10 months turn around an come back to the states and basically start all over. The fact is that while the program would change my life and fits into my aspiration to one day be a college professor, I can’t really afford it.

Now sure I could take out a huge loan or try for a grant or two, but I want to get out of debt, not deeper into debt. So I decided that it was time to rethink this goal and whether or not this is the right time to pursue it. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer is a resounding no.

Right now is the time to focus on getting my freelance writing business going, paying down my debt and becoming more financially secure. I may have a job but I still live check to check and there is always at least one bill that goes unpaid every month. And that’s just not ok with me.

So my focus has shifted. Well, really, its become more clear. Its great to push yourself to the limit but I think I was trying to do too much. And truthfully, I feel much better having let go of one thing in order to focus on something that for me in far more important right now.

Have you ever had to let go of something you really wanted because the timing wasn’t right?

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Getting Things Done Goals Letting Go Planning Recalibration Timing

Feb 23

My life is dramatically different

I was thinking…

I’ve done all this talk about change, going through the cycles of feeling super productive and then not at all; taking big bold steps one day and the next being paralyzed with fear.

What I haven’t done this year is really take inventory of how different my life is from last year at this time.

At the end of February and heading into March 2009 I was still new on my job. Still feeling that small-fish-in-a-new-corporate-pond-but-damn-this-job-ROCKS feeling. I was also looking for a new place to live, somewhere closer to work and with good schools.

I was just starting to realize that my awesome first publishing job out of college with Know More Mediahad spoiled me and I had a lot to learn about working at a “real” magazine.* There were office politics and there were signs that Entrepreneur was being affected by the economic environment.

I was making new friends and yet still felt isolated. Most of the people I had connected with during my time at KMM were internet people and things changed as they do, making it difficult to keep up with people in time zones all over the world without practically being on a 24 hour clock.

In April, I would pick up my life and move from my home of nine years to find a new semi-temporary dwelling behind the orange curtain. Where I sought a better neighborhood suburbs, less diversity and realized that I really loved Long Beach.

That move would be my first leap into truly being on my own, with family and friends being considerably farther away. I began to feel isolated because I was so far from everyone, but I knew that the fresh start was what I needed. I wasn’t sure where I was heading next, but I knew this new place was not for the long haul. But I hung things and got comfortable anyway.

I began thinking about my health and thinking it was time to become more responsible with my finances. I started shifting away from eating take-out on a regular basis to cooking almost every meal I eat.

So much changed last year. I mean my life looks dramatically different now than it did last year at this time.

My hope is that I’ll be able to say the same thing next year.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life, On The Job Change Goals Introspection Reflections

Feb 21

On productivity and weekend relaxation

Today I decided not to be lazy. I got up early for breakfast, sent off a couple emails I had been procrastinating on, spent some time polishing an essay I’ve been working on and then headed off to do laundry.

It’s still early.

So now I’m going to allow myself time to relax in this space. Feeling good about getting things done but not pushed to get much more done. Hey, weekends are made for relaxation. Or at least that’s the way I like them to be.

I often find myself asking if it’ll stay like this even when my business is booming. Will I have time to spend most of the day farting around the house or will I have my nose to the grindstone, working, working, working?

Truth is be told, I’m kinda lazy and I like having my weekends. So I’m thinking once I go freelance full-time, I’ll be able to find full blocks of time to just lay on my sofa, drinking cocktails, cuddling my boy and watching TV.

For now, I think its best I get my ass in gear.

Laziness doesn’t build an empire.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Goals Productivity Reflections Work/Life Balance

Feb 15

And now here comes the fear

I’ve been making some moves. Where a couple weeks ago I was feeling like I hadn’t made enough progress and today I feel very different.

It’s not that I’ve made so much more progress than before, I’ve just been more active since making the plan. I’ve been consistent and it’s paying off with even the slightest increase in readership.

There’s one thing that’s scaring me though: the prospect of going to grad school. My boys are adamantly opposed, worried that I’ll forget about them. And I how could I? Mother’s who love, rarely do anything without thinking of how it will affect their children. So the protests of my children are not falling on deaf ears.

This process is the difference between choosing the safe and comfortable option versus pushing forward into radical life changes. Honestly, right now I want to regress and do whatever is easiest. I’m shitting myself thinking all I have to do is make the move and the universe will back me up.

But I refuse to be afraid of being great. I don’t want to live my life thinking what could have happened if I had only been brave enough.

I’m thinking the next week or so is going to be about beating the fear.

And beat it I shall.

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life Changing the Game Fear of Flying Goals No Sandbacking Self Sabotage

Feb 10

Woo hoo, consistency pays off

I don’t know why I’m so excited about it. Just seems like a big deal to me. Considering that I started this blog a year and a half ago and I’m just now hitting the 100 post mark seems…a little strange right now. I mean…what did I start this blog for if not to make use of it?

And it seems that making use is paying off. Not just in increased readership (hey you folks out there in cyber world!) but in the increased commitment to regular posting. Writing every day isn’t an obligation or a chore, I actually enjoy it! ( Read more )

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life 100 Posts Benchmarks Blogging Goals Writing

Feb 08

Learning to Manage the GAP

You may or may not have noticed that I’ve been feeling a little discouraged. Yesterday I posted an excerpt from the 10th anniversary edition of the Freedom Writer’s Diary as a reminder to myself of how far I’ve come.

I needed the reminder because I was starting to feel like I haven’t gotten much accomplished so far this year (yes I realize we’re only a month and eight days into the new year, what of it? I’m an overachiever, I’m used to rocking the shit out of everything I do) < --- It's this thinking right here that has been getting me into trouble. I mean seriously, can I expect to have accomplished everything I want to do this year in a matter of 40 days?

I think not.

So it was exactly what I needed when I saw this tweet from Carla Young:
Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams & reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so. – Belva Davis

That space between the dream and reality is something I’ve come to know as the GAP: God’s Area of Preparation. Every goal, every dream, every accomplishment takes time and preparation. It takes time. And how one manages the GAP makes the difference between failure and getting to where you want to be.

What the heck am I talking about? ( Read more )

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Posted in Goal Setting, My Life GAP Getting Things Done Goals God's Area of Preparation