Kids Fly Solo…

And their parents want answers. That’s what the headline said.

Heh.

I’m of two minds on this myself neither of which include the parents questioning the government or the airline.

1) What resourceful kids! The girl decided she wanted to go to use her money to fly. She’d never done it before. She wanted to try something new. Enlisted her brother and a friend to go with her. Kids travel unaccompanied all the time (hell, my oldest son does it at least twice a year). They weren’t hurt, just a little spooked when they flew into the wrong airport.

2) As a parent who believes in giving my kids a long leash, I’m bothered by the fact that these kids didn’t bother to alert their parents. Is it because they knew they’d be told no? Is it because they didn’t think about it? Either way, they need to understand the responsibility of freedom. Meaning: if you want more freedom, you become responsible for making sure your parents are aware of where you are and coming in the house on time.

I know there will be lots of people blaming the airline employees for not asking questions and not stopping the kids from traveling without parental permission. But it’s not the airline’s fault. It’s not the regulator’s fault. This comes down to kids pushing the boundaries…perhaps a little too far for their parents’ liking.

Without knowing more about the kids or the families, I’ll say that passing the responsibility off to the airline to “ask questions” teaches the kids that they can do what they want, and there will be no consequences. And there should definitely be consequences. The worst thing these parents could do is sue the airline for some perceived negligence. Instead, the parents should talk to their kids about why what they did was wrong, the responsibility of freedom and lay down some ground rules for the next time the kids get the itch to travel. They were all old enough, the only problem is that they didn’t ask permission.

What do you think?

Tags: Free-Range, News, Travel

I took him to the park, left him for 30 minutes, he was fine, we made new friends

Note: I tend to write in bursts so if this is your first time here and you like what you read, subscribe to the feed so you don’t forget where to go to for more.

Today has been dubbed by Lenore Skenazy of Free-Range Kids, Take Your Children to the Park and Leave them There day. I generally don’t go to the park near my house because it’s not really…near my house, but today I woke early determined to participate in this day somehow.

I suppose it might have been better if I had spoke to some other parents near me. Truth is that I work a lot and the Boy doesn’t know the other kids very well. So I decided we’d ride to the park and I’d leave him at the playground, while I rode the bike trails.

When I got to the park, I was a little nervous. Not because I was afraid the Boy would come to any peril in my absence but because there were adults hovering over kids like I had never noticed before. Just as I was thinking I’d make him ride trails with me, another kid his age showed up and I didn’t exist anymore. I gave him instructions for responding to questions for where his mother was (I told him to say he was fine and that his mom was in the park, instead he said “Today is take your kid to the park and leave them there day! ” :-/) and headed off to the bike trail.

The sun was bright, the morning air was refreshing and the creek the bike trail followed was absolutely beautiful. I could smell jasmine, and grass and hear the little bit of water make its way over and through the rocks. And I was slightly in awe of what I had lived relatively close to for almost a year, and never bothered to see (I had also been complaining that the park wasn’t walking distance…which it really isn’t from our house, so the bikes helped).

When I returned to the playground about 30 minutes later, the kids were engrossed in play. I asked the Boy if he wanted to ride the trails with me, he asked his new friend, I introduced myself to the friend’s mother (who asked about “eave your kid at the park day,” which I happily explained) then we all rode off on the nature reserve bike trail together.

It was so much fun! The other mom and I had lots in common, and the kids were getting on like old friends. There was a set of metal slides and we hug out there, while the kids went down the tallest one over and over.

Then it was time for us to go our separate ways. The other mom and I exchanged numbers because…well, our kids hat hit it off (and so had we kinda) and expressed some interest in hanging out again. The whole thing was all in keeping with why I was there in the first place: For the Boy and I to go out, be active and make new friends.

We’ll definitely be doing that more often.

Tags: bicycling, Free-Range, Health/Fitness, kids, Take Your Kid to the Park and Leave Them There

Free-Range victory: The boy gets to bike to school!

Earlier this week I took the boy to pick up his new bike. The next day we rode to the school together. He was so excited. It was like a new level of cool. I could tell other kids were a little jealous and even the school cook yelled out “Cool bike!”

I provided him with a note granting my permission to ride his bike to school, to which the school responded that it was against the district policy to allow kids in his grade to ride to school on a bike.

I was pissed* because they hadn’t even asked any questions (even though I specifically invited them to call me if they had any and included two numbers). I immediately left a message for the principal wasn’t really sure what to do. First thing I needed to do was find that policy. If it wasn’t on the books and publicly available, they really wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. I also emailed Free-Range kids, to get some other ideas from the free-range community before I had my next conversation with a school admin. There were a bunch of great suggestions, most of which echoed the do your homework, contact the board, do it anyway and find somewhere to lock the bike off campus. (Thanks Free-Range Kids!)

Then I started to think about whether or not it was really worth the fight. Was it something we really needed or was it just me fighting the system (I have a tendency to want to make my own rules). I decided this was something the boy and I needed for a few reasons:

1. I don’t have a car
2. I use a combination of bike/bus as transportation
3. I would be riding with him
4. The after-school getting home from the after school program takes longer by bus, than by bike

You see, beyond my objections as a free-range parent, I had some good reasons to fight this policy. So I sent an email to the school board and the superintendent explaining my situation and asking that they be willing to consider my case. I kept digging around for the policy and couldn’t find it. I also sent him to school with the bike the following day. If there was no policy, they couldn’t really say no. Before I left work, I put in a call to the school board office. Bureaucrats have a tendency to drag their feet, so I wanted to speak to someone as quickly as possible (don’t worry, I wasn’t all panicked on the phone, I just wanted to talk to a human).

As I was making my commute to work I received a call from the principal. She was sorry but this was the district policy and it was her job to enforce it. I tried to explain my situation: but I ride with him and I don’t have a car, this is how we will get home together when I’m picking him up. And I would need her to show me the policy. She had quick responses: even if I rode with him, he couldn’t lock his bike on campus and ride home by himself and even if he didn’t ride home by himself, the bike could not be locked on school property. It is the policy. If I wanted to fight it, I could go to the school board (I don’t think she really expected me to do it).

I found myself feeling sorry for her, thinking that she was just an enforcer. The principal had no real power (or so it seems) to examine individual circumstances (I think mine were compelling) and make rare exceptions on a case-by-case basis. That evening the boy handed me the policy documentation, but somehow I knew this would work in my favor.

So today, I sent him with his bike anyway. And this afternoon, I got the call that the school board agreed to my request, granted the boy obeys the rules and I ride with him in the morning.

VICTORY!

I thanked the principal for working with me and told her to have a great weekend. When I picked the boy up, he did a little victory dance. I was relieved to have successfully bended the rules and not just because I had an abstract philosophical objection. It might not work for everyone, but for me, I feel like this saved my life.

* I have to admit that I’m not in favor of quite a few school policies. I think kids have way too much homework, uniforms take away their freedom of expression (yes I let my kids pick their own clothes), NCLB is not working, teachers have no creative freedom and the public school system is meant to socialize kids into being worker bee drones. I do a lot of reprogramming and deprogramming.

Tags: bike-to-school, Education, Free-Range, making up the rules, stupid policies

A free-range scare…

Its important to me to allow the boy space to explore and go to his friend’s houses. Most of the time my allowing him a long leash works out pretty well for both of us. Unfortunately, there’s the occasional snaffu. Earlier this week, someone stole the boy’s scooter and tonight he was out well past dark and I started to worry.

Now, I wasn’t really worried someone would take him. Reading the Free-Range Kids Blog has taught me that such fear is rather irrational. But as the time ticked by and there was no sign of the boy, the irrational panic started to creep up on me anyway.

Shit, I thought, I only have two phone numbers and he at least four friends around the way. I was kind of uncomfortable about knocking on doors because, well, what if the other parents judged me for letting my kid roam around the neighborhood? Bed time was approaching at an alarming rate (probably because the boy was out WAY past dark) and I was starting to freak out. I called one friend, the one who was probably the least free-range, and of course, the boy wasn’t there because they didn’t allow visitors after 5 PM during the week. I had to try though.

As I started walking around the neighborhood, I realized that there were only two houses I knew for sure he might be. So I knocked on the other. There were two kids there who didn’t belong, neither of which was my boy. I went back home. There was no way I was just going to knock on random doors. To me, that meant panic and I was not going to panic.

I decided to walk around a little bit more trying to recognize some of the houses the boy had shown me. It was dark and I just couldn’t remember. I headed back to the house where his friends were (probably also well past curfew) to ask if they knew where the boy might be and just before I walked up to the door, I saw a little dark figure in an orange shirt across the street. So I called out.

“Um…” I said as he turned toward me. “Do you know how long it’s been dark?”

I walked up and introduced myself to the adult (and parent of the friend) standing outside with him.

“I asked him what his curfew was and he told me 9:00,” said the friend’s dad. “It sounded a little late to me, but we were about to have him call you and give him a ride home.”

I made sure to get the parent’s number and assured him that the boy was supposed to go home when it was dark. 8:30 was far too late, especially since it had been dark for more than an hour.

As the boy and I walked home, I chastised him about being out so late.

“But I was watching a movie,” he said.

“I don’t care. When are you supposed to come home?”

“When it’s dark.”

“It’s not that big a deal if you want to watch a movie and eat pizza,” I said. “But at the very least, you have to call me and let me know where you are.”

He took a bite of his pizza and acted like it wasn’t a big deal.

I stopped and made him look at me.

I explained that having the freedom to run around unsupervised was a big responsibility; one he shouldn’t take advantage of if he wanted to keep it. If he couldn’t be trusted to come home when he was supposed to come home, he’d be on lockdown indefinitely.

He raised an eyebrow at the idea of being “on lockdown.”

“That’s right,” I said. “If I can’t trust you, you can’t go anywhere.”

He hung his head and sighed. Then he looked up at me and said, “Ok, mommy. I’m sorry. I’ll be more responsible next time.”

We hugged it out and I made him go to bed early.

Tags: Free-Range, Freedom & Responsibility, Teachable Moments, Teaching Responsibility

Free-range is healthy by default

On the way home I heard an NPR report about a new initiative to fight childhood obesity and I had two thoughts: man, that’s sad and I’m glad I’ve started on some lifestyle changes. One of the quotes from Michelle Obama was for parents to think back to when we were kids and we spent recesses running around and literally weren’t allowed to come in the house until it was time for dinner.

I loved it and thought about how on the weekends and during full days of free time, I always send the boy outside with strict instructions not to return unless he’s hungry. If I didn’t do this, he’d sit in front of the TV or computer. That’s no way for a kid to grow up. Sure kids who use computers regularly have higher reading aptitudes, but too much computer time can lead to a sedentary lifestyle. That’s not what I want for my boy.

The thing is that with the paranoia about pedifiles and the safety police on high alert most of the time, it can be hard for free-rangers like myself to allow kids the freedom they need to be active. And if you can’t afford to (or simply don’t want to schedule every moment of your child’s activity) pay for extracurricular like t-ball and karate, finding active options can be difficult.

What we need to do is bring back that village mentality where parents in the same neighborhood knew each other and looked out for each other’s kids and kids were free to roam their respective neighborhoods without the parents being accused of being neglectful. I’m fortunate to live in an area where the kids (and parents) are given just this freedom. Sure the kids get into trouble sometimes, but mostly, they just play and respect the responsibility that comes with their long leashes.

So here’s to a return of parental and childhood freedom. And to the healthy lifestyle that is being a free-range kid.

Tags: Free-Range, Health, Lifestyle