A free-range scare…

Its important to me to allow the boy space to explore and go to his friend’s houses. Most of the time my allowing him a long leash works out pretty well for both of us. Unfortunately, there’s the occasional snaffu. Earlier this week, someone stole the boy’s scooter and tonight he was out well past dark and I started to worry.

Now, I wasn’t really worried someone would take him. Reading the Free-Range Kids Blog has taught me that such fear is rather irrational. But as the time ticked by and there was no sign of the boy, the irrational panic started to creep up on me anyway.

Shit, I thought, I only have two phone numbers and he at least four friends around the way. I was kind of uncomfortable about knocking on doors because, well, what if the other parents judged me for letting my kid roam around the neighborhood? Bed time was approaching at an alarming rate (probably because the boy was out WAY past dark) and I was starting to freak out. I called one friend, the one who was probably the least free-range, and of course, the boy wasn’t there because they didn’t allow visitors after 5 PM during the week. I had to try though.

As I started walking around the neighborhood, I realized that there were only two houses I knew for sure he might be. So I knocked on the other. There were two kids there who didn’t belong, neither of which was my boy. I went back home. There was no way I was just going to knock on random doors. To me, that meant panic and I was not going to panic.

I decided to walk around a little bit more trying to recognize some of the houses the boy had shown me. It was dark and I just couldn’t remember. I headed back to the house where his friends were (probably also well past curfew) to ask if they knew where the boy might be and just before I walked up to the door, I saw a little dark figure in an orange shirt across the street. So I called out.

“Um…” I said as he turned toward me. “Do you know how long it’s been dark?”

I walked up and introduced myself to the adult (and parent of the friend) standing outside with him.

“I asked him what his curfew was and he told me 9:00,” said the friend’s dad. “It sounded a little late to me, but we were about to have him call you and give him a ride home.”

I made sure to get the parent’s number and assured him that the boy was supposed to go home when it was dark. 8:30 was far too late, especially since it had been dark for more than an hour.

As the boy and I walked home, I chastised him about being out so late.

“But I was watching a movie,” he said.

“I don’t care. When are you supposed to come home?”

“When it’s dark.”

“It’s not that big a deal if you want to watch a movie and eat pizza,” I said. “But at the very least, you have to call me and let me know where you are.”

He took a bite of his pizza and acted like it wasn’t a big deal.

I stopped and made him look at me.

I explained that having the freedom to run around unsupervised was a big responsibility; one he shouldn’t take advantage of if he wanted to keep it. If he couldn’t be trusted to come home when he was supposed to come home, he’d be on lockdown indefinitely.

He raised an eyebrow at the idea of being “on lockdown.”

“That’s right,” I said. “If I can’t trust you, you can’t go anywhere.”

He hung his head and sighed. Then he looked up at me and said, “Ok, mommy. I’m sorry. I’ll be more responsible next time.”

We hugged it out and I made him go to bed early.

Tags: Free-Range, Freedom & Responsibility, Teachable Moments, Teaching Responsibility

There are assholes everywhere

A year ago I decided it was time to move. There had been two “shoot outs” in as many weeks, both of which involved my immediate neighbor. I had lived in that place for 9 years and while it wasn’t what I would consider an affluent neighborhood, it certainly wasn’t as bad as some of the neighborhoods in LA.

There were lots of kids, all of whom were pretty much given free reign to play anywhere in the complex. If any of them tried to venture out (as I’m sure some did), there were security guards at the gates to stop them.

But with two shoot outs and an impending rent increase, I decided it was time for me to go and set out to find a place between Long Beach and Irvine where I worked. I ended up finding this cute little place in Orange where there were lots of kids and families. It was a little suburban for my taste, but the school was good and my commute to work would be cut in half.

And I like the neighborhood for the most part. It’s been good so far. I had even gotten more comfortable with giving the boy a longer leash and letting him ride his scooter around, as long as he stayed away from the main road. He had made friends and knew to come in when it was dark.

Today though, things were terribly sullied.

The boy went out to ride his scooter as he often did when there was still light when we got home for the day. It was starting to get dark and I was watching the door for the boy to come bursting in. And he did…but without his scooter.

“Where’s your scooter?” I asked expecting him to tell me he had forgotten it at a friend’s house again.

“Someone took it,” he said.

“WHAT?!?” I was in shock.

“A kid just walked up and took it from me.”

“What kid? Do you know him? Have you seen him before?”

“I’ve seen him once, but I don’t know him.”

As I questioned him, the boy’s shoulders begin to slump and I could tell he was seriously hurt. Not physically mind you…but you know…someone had taken his shit right out of his hands!

“What happened?” I asked. “Tell me exactly what happened.”

He told me how he was riding past one of his friend’s houses and this kid he didn’t really recognize came up behind him, punched him and told him, “Gimme your scooter bitch.”

“I tried to chase him and get it back but he was on my scooter and I ran out of breath.”

I couldn’t believe it.

That’s the kind of story you expect to hear when you live in the hood not when you’re in what you thought was a safe suburban family cul-de-sac. I sat there in shock for a few minutes before telling him I was sorry he had to go through that.

And he broke down.

“It really, really sucks,” he sobbed. “I really liked that scooter.”

I held him close, told him I knew and assured him he would get another.

“Just like that one?”

“I can’t promise you that honey.”

“But that was my favorite scooter ever.”

“I know honey, I know.”
Fuck. There are assholes everywhere.

Tags: Assholes, Crimes, mean kids, welcome to the 'burbs

Free-range is healthy by default

On the way home I heard an NPR report about a new initiative to fight childhood obesity and I had two thoughts: man, that’s sad and I’m glad I’ve started on some lifestyle changes. One of the quotes from Michelle Obama was for parents to think back to when we were kids and we spent recesses running around and literally weren’t allowed to come in the house until it was time for dinner.

I loved it and thought about how on the weekends and during full days of free time, I always send the boy outside with strict instructions not to return unless he’s hungry. If I didn’t do this, he’d sit in front of the TV or computer. That’s no way for a kid to grow up. Sure kids who use computers regularly have higher reading aptitudes, but too much computer time can lead to a sedentary lifestyle. That’s not what I want for my boy.

The thing is that with the paranoia about pedifiles and the safety police on high alert most of the time, it can be hard for free-rangers like myself to allow kids the freedom they need to be active. And if you can’t afford to (or simply don’t want to schedule every moment of your child’s activity) pay for extracurricular like t-ball and karate, finding active options can be difficult.

What we need to do is bring back that village mentality where parents in the same neighborhood knew each other and looked out for each other’s kids and kids were free to roam their respective neighborhoods without the parents being accused of being neglectful. I’m fortunate to live in an area where the kids (and parents) are given just this freedom. Sure the kids get into trouble sometimes, but mostly, they just play and respect the responsibility that comes with their long leashes.

So here’s to a return of parental and childhood freedom. And to the healthy lifestyle that is being a free-range kid.

Tags: Free-Range, Health, Lifestyle

The unconditional love of children can melt away even the worst bad mood

Making plans, getting my ass in gear and guess what…today I’m at a complete loss for what to say.

It was a craptastic week. Stressing about money, ambush at work, injury from working out…I’m tired, cranky and I just want to isolate myself in my room. I want to lock the door and watch TV on the internet until I fall asleep.

Unfortunately, the boy has other ideas. He wants me to play and watch him dance and sing. He wants to sit with me and watch TV but I just want to be alone. I snapped at him a couple times because I tried to tell him politely. But really, its just me and him, so I totally understand why he just wants to sit under me. Read more…

He Was Driving Me Crazy the Other Day

But today all I could do was think about how cute he was. I even laughed at his silly jokes; some of which were directed at me. Yeah, the boy is a cute, smart, funny kid.

And I think I’ll keep him

Tags: Me and My Boy

Confessions of a Crazed Mom: Stop Bouncing Around!

Today I’m going to take a brief diversion from all the goal setting talk to make a confession. I’m sure most parents will agree that while mostly fun and heartwarming, sometimes you just get tired of “Mommy mommy, look at me mommy!”

Now I love the boy, but fuck if he isn’t jut a bundle of energy. All. The. Time. And that can be really exhausting after a long day at work when you have freelance projects to do and you have cook dinner and make sure write a blog post for the day…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining or anything (ok, I kinda am), but is it too much to ask that the kid not bounce all over the freaking house from the moment we walk through the door to the moment he goes to bed? It’s like he likes when I yell at him to stop bouncing all over the place!

On the weekends, I send him outside and tell him not to come back until he’s hungry, but during the week and with it getting dark so early, he doesn’t get much playtime between school and the YMCA. So I try to stay calm and remind him that flipping is not an indoor activity (Yeah. Flipping).

I know I’m not the only parent who longs for silence from time to time. I love the boy. Sometimes, I just don’t love the energy.

Tags: Children, Crazed Mom, Too Much Energy

Epic Travel Fail

Today started off alright. I had a plan and everything was right on schedule, except for one thing. The schedule in my head was nearly 45 minutes off.

I arrived at the airport thinking I was right on time to get checked in for an 11:55 red eye to ATL only to find out that the flight was actually at 11:15 and we could not be checked in.

Fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

Epic traveling fail.

I nearly broke into tears right there at the check-in counter.

Instead I took a few deep breaths and asked the airline agent what I could do. He registered us for standby and told us to be back two hours early to check in. He showed the boys a hat trick and we were on our way.

I’ve set an alarm to wake me up in three hours from now. I haven’t used an alarm in over a decade.

For now, I’m going to try to clear my head so I can get three hours of sleep.

Tags: FAIL, Travel

Returning to Normal

So it seems things are starting to return to normal. My brother decided to go back to my sister’s house; of course he had to listen to nearly an hour lecture on how this is his last chance. As the mediator even I had to be careful not to sigh too loudly while on the conference call with the family.

I’m also sending my oldest son home on the red eye tomorrow night. He won’t get home until 6:30 am, but at least he’ll be home to sleep in his own bed.

This also means that my house will go back to being relatively quiet. One kid can only make so much noise, but two or three children exponentially increase the noise level. Honestly, I don’t know how people do it; four and five kids…or in some cases 20. I’d go crazy not being able to quiet spot to think.

Even with all the noise and the craziness of the last few weeks, I’ll miss my boy when he goes back to his dad. He’s smart and funny and it seems like he’s on the road to being someone I might be able to be friends with when he becomes an adult. I’m proud of him and appreciate the great job his dad is doing raising such a fine young man.

But I will relish the quiet when things go back to normal.

Tags: Balance, Children

Today Was a Stressful Day

Today was one of those days. Not the kind you know you’re going to hate. Nor was it the kind of day you hope for at the end of the week.

It started out alright. I had a nice talk with a business consultant and got to the office early. The was a deadline looming and I was hoping I could knock it out and go home early to be with my boys. I was fooling myself. This project was massive and there were lots of tricky things in the preparation.

The project dragged on forever. I worked through lunch, and walked into the house to see my kitchen spilling over with dishes. I needed to get dinner on and help the kid with his science project before sending him home on Sunday.

I may have just left work but I was still working. I just wanted to sit down.

But I couldn’t.

The kid offered to wash the dishes but gave up after only completed half. So set him to work on his science project while I got dinner on. It’s just that he needed help. I didn’t have any notebook paper and he was having trouble organizing his report.

So I had to sit down and walk him through it, while he complained about being hungry. We did however work through his whining to get his assignment done, I got dinner on, cleaned the kitchen and by the end of it I was in a crappy mood.

And I forgot to do my baby step for the day. *sigh*

Oh well. Tomorrow’s another day.

Tags: Stress, Work/Life Balance

He was frustrated, I really shouldn’t have laughed…

The boys had been at the pool and returned early because the little one fell and hit his head. He had been running. He knows better. I gave him the look.

Right away he starts crying about how his brother was chasing him and…Then the brother cuts in with no he wasn’t and suddenly the little is growling, turning red, flexing his little muscles while breathing in big huffs. I was seriously afraid he was going to pop something.

I’ve seen him get all worked up and frustrated because he feels like no one is listening. And with two older boys around who like to play the dozens and make a joke of everything he does because he’s younger, the little has a hard time communicating sometimes.

A few deep breaths later, he wiped away his tears and I gave him my undivided attention so he could speak his piece. As I expected, he began to ramble about the brother chasing him and the uncle laughing at him and no one listens…And crying and huffing again.

He backed into the corner and huffed and puffed and yelled, “Everyone makes me angry!”

I laughed and he shrieked.

I told him I was sorry but he was being ridiculous. His brother had apologized for making fun of him and the uncle for laughing at him. Then I gave him the speech about choosing to be angry or letting the negativity go. He could be happy or he could sit in the corner huffing and puffing and being angry even after everyone had apologized.

And then I walked away.

He came out of the room shortly thereafter and began talking and playing with the other boys like nothing was wrong.

Tags: drama, Meltdown, Sibling Rivalry