It’s all connected

My first job out of college was with one of those early online publishers. I was skeptical at first when I was interviewed by this guy who for all of his professionalism was wearing jeans and had exposed tattoos. The interview was great and two days later I was offered the gig. I had never worked for a startup before and had been applying for PR gigs.

When I saw the ad for Know More Media, an online publisher of business news and information, I thought, hey…what the hell. I’ll either get it or not. I had never heard of this publisher but telecommuting sounded like a winner to me.

Everyone I told about the job was just as skeptical as I was. They’d raise their eyebrows and ask, “Online publisher?” At the time, the idea of a blog network that wasn’t a personal blog was still a new concept. And when my first paycheck was late, I had red flags all over the place. Turns out, the late paycheck was my fault because I had provided the wrong checking account information and being an editor at Know More Media became one of my favorite jobs ever.

The day I found out that the company was going under, was a very sad day indeed. But it left me with great professional experience and great friends. I still look back on my KMM days affectionately, have lunch with the guys from time to time and find ways to work with some of the authors who were also part of that great publishing experiment.

And this morning I was offered an opportunity to work with one of my former bosses; a semi-silent KMM partner who has always been very kind to me. I’m excited and encouraged by his confidence in my skills. I also know that this is one of many gigs that will launch my business.

I’ll forever be grateful for the experience and relationships that came out of my time at Know More Media. It prepared me for the rest of my career in the publishing industry as an editor and gatekeeper.

Tags: Business, Experience, Friendships, Goals, Know More Media, Reflections

My life is dramatically different

I was thinking…

I’ve done all this talk about change, going through the cycles of feeling super productive and then not at all; taking big bold steps one day and the next being paralyzed with fear.

What I haven’t done this year is really take inventory of how different my life is from last year at this time.

At the end of February and heading into March 2009 I was still new on my job. Still feeling that small-fish-in-a-new-corporate-pond-but-damn-this-job-ROCKS feeling. I was also looking for a new place to live, somewhere closer to work and with good schools.

I was just starting to realize that my awesome first publishing job out of college with Know More Mediahad spoiled me and I had a lot to learn about working at a “real” magazine.* There were office politics and there were signs that Entrepreneur was being affected by the economic environment.

I was making new friends and yet still felt isolated. Most of the people I had connected with during my time at KMM were internet people and things changed as they do, making it difficult to keep up with people in time zones all over the world without practically being on a 24 hour clock.

In April, I would pick up my life and move from my home of nine years to find a new semi-temporary dwelling behind the orange curtain. Where I sought a better neighborhood suburbs, less diversity and realized that I really loved Long Beach.

That move would be my first leap into truly being on my own, with family and friends being considerably farther away. I began to feel isolated because I was so far from everyone, but I knew that the fresh start was what I needed. I wasn’t sure where I was heading next, but I knew this new place was not for the long haul. But I hung things and got comfortable anyway.

I began thinking about my health and thinking it was time to become more responsible with my finances. I started shifting away from eating take-out on a regular basis to cooking almost every meal I eat.

So much changed last year. I mean my life looks dramatically different now than it did last year at this time.

My hope is that I’ll be able to say the same thing next year.

Tags: Change, Goals, Introspection, Reflections

Pushing past fear lesson 1: Stand up for yourself

Earlier this week I talked about pushing past fear…well this week I got past one major fear which was not taking any more shit at work.

No…no…contrary to popular belief, one need not be a bitch when deciding not to take any shit (though I did snap at someone; don’t worry I apologized). Rather it means standing up for yourself when you know you deserve more. When one door is slammed in your face, you just find another one to pry open.

I’m being a little dramatic but it was truly a challenging week. If you follow me on twitter, you probably saw my very unhappy tweets that probably seemed completely out of character…

Stress does strange things to a sistah, what can I say?

Without going into details about what was going on, let’s just say that I was able to circumvent one obstacle and find someone willing to help me find a workable solution to my problem. The truth is that I’m not worried, whatever will be will be and I’ll not be a passive observer in that process.

Here’s to not being passive in my own life!

Tags: Conflict, Fearless, Stress, Work/Life Balance

I’ve never been so happy to see the 405

Miami was great, it really was. The trip home seemed extra long. No worries though, I made it safely. As we descended on the airport, I spied the crowded 405 freeway, which I’ve never been happier to see. It was a beautiful parking lot of a freeway to behold.

I’m home now, sitting on my bed, warming up some chili and listening to the wonderful sound of the boy playing video games.

Man, its good to be home.

Tags: Home Sweet Home, Travel, Work/Life Balance

Miami Beach Totally Rocked!

Beautiful city, great company what more can you ask for? It was busy for sure. Running around “live blogging” the event, making sure speakers had everything they needed…it was great.

Highlights: I met Susan Gunelius who I’ve known and worked with for nearly five years but met in person for the first time today. Having a friend from Twitter send someone on a search for me to give me a hug. Having drinks with other editors and getting to know each other. Meeting Bob Reiss, a beloved guest expert. Meeting Tim Berry, sweet columnist extraordinaire.

I must say that attending a conference three time zones away was much more fun than attending and sitting in a room with my leg propped on a chair (stupid bum knee). This year, I was in good health and even better spirits.

It was a rockin’ conference and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Tomorrow, I travel back to SoCal. The hotel bed is unbelievably comfortable, but somehow, I think I’ll be happy to sleep in my own bed.

Tags: Growth Conference, Miami Beach, Travel, Work/Life Balance

I’m In Miami Baby!

Last night I forgot to blog, mostly because I was watching lost but also because I was so worried about preparing to travel today. I’ve decided I’m not going to beat myself up about it though, the point is to be mindful of the need to write every day and so far I’ve been much more mindful in the last month than I was most of last year.

Anyway…

So I’m in Miami! Miami Beach to be specific (apparently they are two different cities). As much as I dislike the airport and getting stuck sitting in the middle and the smell of travel sticking to me, it’s worth it to be in a new place and spend time getting to know my co-workers, hanging with my friends (who are also co-workers).

It’s a lovely city with lots of diversity, beautiful beaches and palm trees everywhere. These palms are a different type than those in SoCal. And can you believe it was colder in Cali than in Miami Beach? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised but I was a little. We walked on the beach at 9:00pm and it was warm enough that we didn’t really need jackets.

The hotel is cute and historic. I thought the room was a little small at first then I thought to myself, what more do I need? There’s an amazingly comfortable King-sized bed, a desk, wireless internet a television a cute little bathroom, a walk-in closet and a city view.

Tomorrow we do the conference and supposedly there will be a mojito train. Maybe I’ll go for a ride.

Triple “E” Challenge: Nothing Like a Foot in the Mouth to Teach You Compassion

Today starts the second week of my Triple “E” Challenge and while I slept in this morning, I know that today I definitely learned a lesson in compassion.

I had been warned, when you’re sending IMs, make sure you send them to the right person. Boy did I learn the hard way. I sent the wrong message to the wrong person…actually…it was a message about the receiver that was never meant for her to see. Simply put, I sent a gossipy message and the wrong person got it.

Now normally I try to avoid getting into gossip. A don’t like being mean spirited and talking about people behind their backs; and I definitely like to maintain positive work relationships.

So when I realized the wrong person got the message, I apologized immediately, but of course the damage had been done. I was mortified and I deserved to be. I had made a poor choice in sending the message anyway. By sending that negativity into the ether, my own ugliness was reflected back to me.

I felt horrible for most of the afternoon, but since she told me to drop it and I can’t beat myself up about it forever, I’m going to chalk it up to a lesson learned.

Today I experienced compassion because the person I was talking about was willing to forgive me almost immediately. I also learned that even when you thing you’re doing something in secret, you are still sowing a seed, so be careful what you sow into the universe.

Here’s to learning what compassion is, the hard way.

Tags: 365 Project, Doh, Lessons Learned, Triple E Challenge

Conference + Bum Knee = A Hard Damn Day

You all know by now that I’m hard on myself. I hate being sick, I hate not being able to do things…I am the Modern Super Human Earth Mother after all; obstacles be damned!

Well, sometimes it just isn’t that simple.

My knee collapsed as I was walking into the grocery store last Thursday. It hurt a little but I didn’t fall or anything, so kept it moving. The next day I was walking with a limp and my knee was definitely swollen. Saturday morning, I put my feet on the floor to take my morning pee and nearly fell; something was definitely wrong with my knee.

I spent the next couple of days laid up in the bed and on Monday I went to the Dr, where I was told that my joints looked good, there were no broken bones…my knee was just swollen and inflamed because it wanted to be. Oh, that’s just lovely. rolls eyes

The next day I was scheduled to work a conference. In hind sight, I probably should have asked if I could be excused from the conference and just gone into the office. Being the super woman I am, I was determined that I could handle this event.

And I probably could have if Murphy hadn’t been so set on kicking my ass.

When I arrived at the venue, the parking directly underneath was blocked off and I was directed to a structure nearly three blocks away. I parked and slowly began walking to back towards the entrance, all the while racking my brain trying to remember if the Long Beach Convention Center had elevators. I had been to the convention center many, many times and couldn’t for the life of me remember ever seeing an elevator, so I began working my way up the first set of stairs I could find.

I made it up the first and second flights triumphantly, only to be daunted by two more; one with at least 15 steps. I sat at the bottom of the third set and took a couple deep breaths before painstakingly inching my way up. Going up stairs had never been so hard…I was sweating and exhausted and still had one more flight of stairs to conquer.

Panting I stood there looking at the final set of stairs, my brain fighting itself…

You can do this…Shit I’m tired…Just one more flight and you’re there…This shit is so hard…You can do it!

I stood there for a few minutes trying to hold back the tears but I was feeling broken and the dam had reached its limit. The tears mixed with the sweat as I looked up the stairs feeling defeated. Folks began offering empathetic comments as they passed me on their way up the stairs.

“Well that hardly seems fair,” on guy remarked noting that the venue should have had an elevator.

“Do you need help,” said one woman, stopping to rub my back. I was simultaneously comforted and embarrassed.

“I think I’ll make it,” I said avoiding her eyes. “Its just so hard…”

She found my gaze, looking for some assurance that I was ok.

“I’ll be ok,” I said lying through my tears and pained expression. “I’m sorry.”

She rubbed my back a couple more seconds. “Don’t apologize, just take your time.” And then she was off.

Just as I worked up enough energy to make my way to the top of the final flight of stairs, another editor from the magazine showed up. It pained me to see the sympathy in her eyes, but I was glad for the company. She cheered me on all the way to the top and stayed with me as we walked into the venue, only to find we had to go up some more. At least this time there was an escalator…

When we arrived at the registration table, I was sweating profusely and unsuccessfully trying to put on a happy face.

“You shouldn’t have come,” said the guy running the event. “You look like you’re in an incredible amount of pain.”

I looked at the ground. “I would have been fine if I hadn’t had to climb the stairs,” I said with an uncomfortable giggle. My face flushed with heat as I felt the sympathetic stares of the staff on me.

He put his hand on my arm lightly, “Are you ok?”

“It was really hard…” and I turned away feeling naked as the tears fell once again. I dried them away quickly and took a seat, half hoping he would send me home, half wanting to be useful.

The rest of the day was spent sitting in the back of a ballroom watching presentations with my leg propped up on a chair. After the last session, I looked for someone to give me a ride to my car. Since everyone was still busy with conference duties, I made my way, resolved that I wouldn’t cry again. It took me nearly 30 minutes make a five minute walk, but I made it. Once I got into the car, I allowed myself a 30 second release, dried my face, started the engine and drove home where I locked myself away for the rest of the night.

Yesterday will go down in my mental history as one of the hardest days of my life.

Tags: Stress, Work/Life Balance

What a Day, What a Day!

I’m still adjusting to the morning crunch. As soon as I get in, I’m pretty much buried in work until after noon. Checking this, confirming that, programming this…it’s like opening a closet that is overloaded with clutter.

Only the clutter keeps falling no matter how much of it you place properly.

I suppose this makes my job sound dreadful; I assure you it is not. It does however keep me very busy and just when I think I have a handle on things…something else falls on my head.

So I busted my butt to get the editorial programming done so I could spend the afternoon researching story ideas and looking through the November issue of the magazine. I had been back from lunch for about an hour when the producer IMed me and asked if I had the newsletter ready.

?!

Dammit to hell!

So I cranked out two newsletters in less than an hour, took a deep breath and went back to browsing the magazine.

As the final hour approached, something told me to check the channels that were going to production tomorrow morning. Imagine my horror when I opened the document and none of the changes I had worked on earlier were anywhere on the spreadsheet!

I put my head on the desk to prevent anyone seeing my eyes well up.

"Uh…Kimberlee?" The new staff writer said tentatively. "What’s wrong?"

"All the programming I did this morning is gone," I said clicking through the pages in disbelief.

"You didn’t save it somewhere else?"

"Nope," I sighed, checking other folders.

I could feel the panic rising but worked hard to fight it off. I did however, walk calmly to the bathroom where I allowed myself to cry for about a minute, until someone else walked in.

Once back at my desk, I focused on redoing what had already been done and undone. I left the office at 10 minutes to six.

This job is proving to be the most exciting, challenging and stressful one I have had thus far. I hope I get a handle on it soon. I’m exhausted.