A free-range scare…

Its important to me to allow the boy space to explore and go to his friend’s houses. Most of the time my allowing him a long leash works out pretty well for both of us. Unfortunately, there’s the occasional snaffu. Earlier this week, someone stole the boy’s scooter and tonight he was out well past dark and I started to worry.

Now, I wasn’t really worried someone would take him. Reading the Free-Range Kids Blog has taught me that such fear is rather irrational. But as the time ticked by and there was no sign of the boy, the irrational panic started to creep up on me anyway.

Shit, I thought, I only have two phone numbers and he at least four friends around the way. I was kind of uncomfortable about knocking on doors because, well, what if the other parents judged me for letting my kid roam around the neighborhood? Bed time was approaching at an alarming rate (probably because the boy was out WAY past dark) and I was starting to freak out. I called one friend, the one who was probably the least free-range, and of course, the boy wasn’t there because they didn’t allow visitors after 5 PM during the week. I had to try though.

As I started walking around the neighborhood, I realized that there were only two houses I knew for sure he might be. So I knocked on the other. There were two kids there who didn’t belong, neither of which was my boy. I went back home. There was no way I was just going to knock on random doors. To me, that meant panic and I was not going to panic.

I decided to walk around a little bit more trying to recognize some of the houses the boy had shown me. It was dark and I just couldn’t remember. I headed back to the house where his friends were (probably also well past curfew) to ask if they knew where the boy might be and just before I walked up to the door, I saw a little dark figure in an orange shirt across the street. So I called out.

“Um…” I said as he turned toward me. “Do you know how long it’s been dark?”

I walked up and introduced myself to the adult (and parent of the friend) standing outside with him.

“I asked him what his curfew was and he told me 9:00,” said the friend’s dad. “It sounded a little late to me, but we were about to have him call you and give him a ride home.”

I made sure to get the parent’s number and assured him that the boy was supposed to go home when it was dark. 8:30 was far too late, especially since it had been dark for more than an hour.

As the boy and I walked home, I chastised him about being out so late.

“But I was watching a movie,” he said.

“I don’t care. When are you supposed to come home?”

“When it’s dark.”

“It’s not that big a deal if you want to watch a movie and eat pizza,” I said. “But at the very least, you have to call me and let me know where you are.”

He took a bite of his pizza and acted like it wasn’t a big deal.

I stopped and made him look at me.

I explained that having the freedom to run around unsupervised was a big responsibility; one he shouldn’t take advantage of if he wanted to keep it. If he couldn’t be trusted to come home when he was supposed to come home, he’d be on lockdown indefinitely.

He raised an eyebrow at the idea of being “on lockdown.”

“That’s right,” I said. “If I can’t trust you, you can’t go anywhere.”

He hung his head and sighed. Then he looked up at me and said, “Ok, mommy. I’m sorry. I’ll be more responsible next time.”

We hugged it out and I made him go to bed early.

Tags: Free-Range, Freedom & Responsibility, Teachable Moments, Teaching Responsibility

It’s all connected

My first job out of college was with one of those early online publishers. I was skeptical at first when I was interviewed by this guy who for all of his professionalism was wearing jeans and had exposed tattoos. The interview was great and two days later I was offered the gig. I had never worked for a startup before and had been applying for PR gigs.

When I saw the ad for Know More Media, an online publisher of business news and information, I thought, hey…what the hell. I’ll either get it or not. I had never heard of this publisher but telecommuting sounded like a winner to me.

Everyone I told about the job was just as skeptical as I was. They’d raise their eyebrows and ask, “Online publisher?” At the time, the idea of a blog network that wasn’t a personal blog was still a new concept. And when my first paycheck was late, I had red flags all over the place. Turns out, the late paycheck was my fault because I had provided the wrong checking account information and being an editor at Know More Media became one of my favorite jobs ever.

The day I found out that the company was going under, was a very sad day indeed. But it left me with great professional experience and great friends. I still look back on my KMM days affectionately, have lunch with the guys from time to time and find ways to work with some of the authors who were also part of that great publishing experiment.

And this morning I was offered an opportunity to work with one of my former bosses; a semi-silent KMM partner who has always been very kind to me. I’m excited and encouraged by his confidence in my skills. I also know that this is one of many gigs that will launch my business.

I’ll forever be grateful for the experience and relationships that came out of my time at Know More Media. It prepared me for the rest of my career in the publishing industry as an editor and gatekeeper.

Tags: Business, Experience, Friendships, Goals, Know More Media, Reflections

On goals, desire and the timing of it all

So I’ve been going back and forth for the last month or so about the grad school thing. The plan was to apply to this great program where I’d get two masters degrees: one from the London School of Economics and another from USC. Whether or not I would get in was never a question; I assumed that applying meant acceptance because I’m just that awesome.

The problem was in trying to figure out how I would get to London, pay tuition, support myself as a student in another country and then in 10 months turn around an come back to the states and basically start all over. The fact is that while the program would change my life and fits into my aspiration to one day be a college professor, I can’t really afford it.

Now sure I could take out a huge loan or try for a grant or two, but I want to get out of debt, not deeper into debt. So I decided that it was time to rethink this goal and whether or not this is the right time to pursue it. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer is a resounding no.

Right now is the time to focus on getting my freelance writing business going, paying down my debt and becoming more financially secure. I may have a job but I still live check to check and there is always at least one bill that goes unpaid every month. And that’s just not ok with me.

So my focus has shifted. Well, really, its become more clear. Its great to push yourself to the limit but I think I was trying to do too much. And truthfully, I feel much better having let go of one thing in order to focus on something that for me in far more important right now.

Have you ever had to let go of something you really wanted because the timing wasn’t right?

Tags: Getting Things Done, Goals, Letting Go, Planning, Recalibration, Timing

My life is dramatically different

I was thinking…

I’ve done all this talk about change, going through the cycles of feeling super productive and then not at all; taking big bold steps one day and the next being paralyzed with fear.

What I haven’t done this year is really take inventory of how different my life is from last year at this time.

At the end of February and heading into March 2009 I was still new on my job. Still feeling that small-fish-in-a-new-corporate-pond-but-damn-this-job-ROCKS feeling. I was also looking for a new place to live, somewhere closer to work and with good schools.

I was just starting to realize that my awesome first publishing job out of college with Know More Mediahad spoiled me and I had a lot to learn about working at a “real” magazine.* There were office politics and there were signs that Entrepreneur was being affected by the economic environment.

I was making new friends and yet still felt isolated. Most of the people I had connected with during my time at KMM were internet people and things changed as they do, making it difficult to keep up with people in time zones all over the world without practically being on a 24 hour clock.

In April, I would pick up my life and move from my home of nine years to find a new semi-temporary dwelling behind the orange curtain. Where I sought a better neighborhood suburbs, less diversity and realized that I really loved Long Beach.

That move would be my first leap into truly being on my own, with family and friends being considerably farther away. I began to feel isolated because I was so far from everyone, but I knew that the fresh start was what I needed. I wasn’t sure where I was heading next, but I knew this new place was not for the long haul. But I hung things and got comfortable anyway.

I began thinking about my health and thinking it was time to become more responsible with my finances. I started shifting away from eating take-out on a regular basis to cooking almost every meal I eat.

So much changed last year. I mean my life looks dramatically different now than it did last year at this time.

My hope is that I’ll be able to say the same thing next year.

Tags: Change, Goals, Introspection, Reflections

On productivity and weekend relaxation

Today I decided not to be lazy. I got up early for breakfast, sent off a couple emails I had been procrastinating on, spent some time polishing an essay I’ve been working on and then headed off to do laundry.

It’s still early.

So now I’m going to allow myself time to relax in this space. Feeling good about getting things done but not pushed to get much more done. Hey, weekends are made for relaxation. Or at least that’s the way I like them to be.

I often find myself asking if it’ll stay like this even when my business is booming. Will I have time to spend most of the day farting around the house or will I have my nose to the grindstone, working, working, working?

Truth is be told, I’m kinda lazy and I like having my weekends. So I’m thinking once I go freelance full-time, I’ll be able to find full blocks of time to just lay on my sofa, drinking cocktails, cuddling my boy and watching TV.

For now, I think its best I get my ass in gear.

Laziness doesn’t build an empire.

Tags: Goals, Productivity, Reflections, Work/Life Balance

Pushing past fear lesson 1: Stand up for yourself

Earlier this week I talked about pushing past fear…well this week I got past one major fear which was not taking any more shit at work.

No…no…contrary to popular belief, one need not be a bitch when deciding not to take any shit (though I did snap at someone; don’t worry I apologized). Rather it means standing up for yourself when you know you deserve more. When one door is slammed in your face, you just find another one to pry open.

I’m being a little dramatic but it was truly a challenging week. If you follow me on twitter, you probably saw my very unhappy tweets that probably seemed completely out of character…

Stress does strange things to a sistah, what can I say?

Without going into details about what was going on, let’s just say that I was able to circumvent one obstacle and find someone willing to help me find a workable solution to my problem. The truth is that I’m not worried, whatever will be will be and I’ll not be a passive observer in that process.

Here’s to not being passive in my own life!

Tags: Conflict, Fearless, Stress, Work/Life Balance

Why I love Zappos

I have big feet and its virtually impossible to find shoes in-store to fit a size 12 foot. So often the selection would consist of sneakers and granny loafers or some hideous combination of the two. I tortured myself for years saying that I wanted to try my shoes on before making the purchase. But with the pickins getting more and more slim, I decided to give online retail a try.

The first place I looked was Endless which has a good selection in my size, but a little light on the cute. At Zappos I got size + selection + style + great customer service. What does that equal? A happy customer.

Until recently I had bought four and returned 2 pairs of shoes. The first two I had returned almost immediate; one because it didn’t fit and another for coming apart at the seams after on a few wears (I’m talking 4 or 5 times in less than a year). I had planned on keeping the last returned item, but alas, those too had to be returned when the heel came out after only 4 months (hey, I call manufacturers defect on things like that).

The good thing is that Zappos didn’t ask any questions about my returns. When they offered me store credit, I accepted because my goal was to get the right pair of shoes, not get my money back. Zappos even do exchanges, so I didn’t even have to wait for the return to be processed before being shipped another pair of shoes.

I really, really hope this most recent pair is the right pair. But if they turn out of have some unexpected defect, Zappos is willing to let me try again. Because Zappos rocks the customer service.

And that, ladies and gents, is why I love Zappos.

Tags: Customer Service, Sasquatch, Shoes, Shopping, Zappos

And now here comes the fear

I’ve been making some moves. Where a couple weeks ago I was feeling like I hadn’t made enough progress and today I feel very different.

It’s not that I’ve made so much more progress than before, I’ve just been more active since making the plan. I’ve been consistent and it’s paying off with even the slightest increase in readership.

There’s one thing that’s scaring me though: the prospect of going to grad school. My boys are adamantly opposed, worried that I’ll forget about them. And I how could I? Mother’s who love, rarely do anything without thinking of how it will affect their children. So the protests of my children are not falling on deaf ears.

This process is the difference between choosing the safe and comfortable option versus pushing forward into radical life changes. Honestly, right now I want to regress and do whatever is easiest. I’m shitting myself thinking all I have to do is make the move and the universe will back me up.

But I refuse to be afraid of being great. I don’t want to live my life thinking what could have happened if I had only been brave enough.

I’m thinking the next week or so is going to be about beating the fear.

And beat it I shall.

Tags: Changing the Game, Fear of Flying, Goals, No Sandbacking, Self Sabotage

I’m not all that into Valentines anyway

The ex never believed me so even though money was always tight, he always at least got a flower, chocolates, a cheap stuffed animal holding a heart that said “Be Mine” or something. I love chocolates, the flowers and plush toys I can do without.

I don’t, however, need an excuse to go to an awesome brunch with the boy and some friends. Besides which, the boy has been bugging me for ages to go back. So we’re getting up early (but not to early) to beat the V-Day crowds and stuff our faces, have many mimosas–too much sugar for the kid–and appreciate the good company.

Here’s the thing…I may not be into it, but my boyfriend The Mad Carpenter is totally mushy and sentimental and would be terribly hurt if I didn’t at least post some sort of love tribute. Truthfully, if he were here, I’d be excited because he’d definitely have something romantic planned. And while I may not be big on flowers or plush toys, romantic gestures are always welcome.

If he were here, he’d join my friends, the boy and me on our Valentines brunch and the day would have a different glow about it. Alas, he’s not here, so its just a regular day.

But still, I can’t let it pass without giving him a shout-out.

David I love you. I wish you were here.

Tags: Brunch, Friendship, Love, The Mad Carpenter, Valentine's Day

Woo hoo, consistency pays off

I don’t know why I’m so excited about it. Just seems like a big deal to me. Considering that I started this blog a year and a half ago and I’m just now hitting the 100 post mark seems…a little strange right now. I mean…what did I start this blog for if not to make use of it?

And it seems that making use is paying off. Not just in increased readership (hey you folks out there in cyber world!) but in the increased commitment to regular posting. Writing every day isn’t an obligation or a chore, I actually enjoy it! Read more…

Tags: 100 Posts, Benchmarks, Blogging, Goals, Writing