Archive for July, 2010

Jul 31

New digs and I’m loving it

It’s been a month since I moved. The whole experience of finding the right place, the cost of moving, the actual moving and getting adjusted to the new neighborhood has been really stressful. But all-in-all, it’s been totally worth it.

Worth it to be closer to family. I’ve seen my sister more since moving than I did in the entire time I lived in Orange. It’s awesome to know that my hometown is just a bike ride away and that I can throw that bike into my friend’s car should we decide to go out on the town.

Worth it to be part of a community. I walk down the street and people smile and say hello. My neighbors gather at the pool on Sundays so we won’t all be strangers living near each other.

Worth it to be near the ocean. I love the breeze, the atmosphere, the people biking everywhere, the friendly laidbackness of beach communities. I’m going to learn to surf and hopefully hit the beach a few times a month.

Worth it to live two blocks from a park/community center. As is my style, I can send the boys outside and tell them not to come in until dusk. No, you can’t sit here and watch TV all day. Take your ass to the park and play. Make friends. Meet other kids. Do what kids are supposed to do.

Worth it to make new friends. To live near people so excited to meet you that they offer to take your kids off your hands for a few hours a day because they’re doing a softball training camp. Nope, they don’t want money. They just like us and offered the activity for the summer.

Worth it for the Boy to attend a good school. The reviews of the school he’s attend were raving! The kids we’ve met who go there love it. There’s a farm and creative freedom for the teachers.

There will always be challenges, but they don’t seem so bad when you have a great place to call home.

Share

0
comments

Posted in Goal Setting, My Life

Jul 17

Dealing with the challenge of commuting longer distances by bike; with the kids

I don’t remember a whole lot from my childhood. But the memories I do have a very sharp. Aside from summers spent swimming 9-to-5 like a job and smelling my mom’s hair just before she told me she was pregnant with my sister, few memories stand out more than when we had to commute using public transportation. I’m talking, up before the crack of dawn so mom could get us kids to the babysitter and get to work by 9:00 AM.

And now I’ve begun doing the same thing. Actually, it wasn’t until Summer and I had two kids on vacation, that child care and commuting by bus became a real issue. As I started pricing the child care, I almost had a heart attack. All day child care for two children is expensive. And getting them there is a challenge, to say the least. Especially since we all have to get there by bike.

The first day was a bitch. We were up at 5:30 AM and out of the door by 6:00 (you have no idea what I had to go through to get the boys to get dressed, even in their sleep deprived stupor. I told them to sleep earlier. They’ll learn.). We all mounted our bikes and set out for the Boys & Girls Club, which had the best rates for summer day camp. Four miles, up hill, down hill, busy streets, early in the morning.

For someone who had spent that latter part of the school year commuting by bike, the youngest seemed to have the hardest time. He cried about his nose hurting, complained about being hot and generally had a hard time with the whole thing. The oldest spent half the ride yelling at the youngest to stop crying. At one point we went down a hill and I let myself fly down until I reached the bottom. Along the way, the boys lost sight of me. When they caught up the oldest was crying and glared at me angrily. “He got scared because he couldn’t see you,” the youngest said rolling his eyes.

Despite the challenges, we made it to our destination and I got to work on time. It took an hour to make a 30 minute ride, but I’m pretty sure we’ll get faster as the boys get more used to the route. The ride home was much easier and faster and when we made it, we all vegged out in front of the television.

I saw a sign that the average bicyclist loses 13 lbs their first year commuting by bike. Those are results I can get behind. That and showing my kids that you don’t need a car to get around town. The more used to it I get, the less inconvenient it seems. We were even able to grocery shop–I’m talking real shopping–and get everything home on our bikes.

Truthfully, there have been plenty of times I wish I had a car. But I’m also learning to make due and so are my kids. Much like when my mom would drag my sister and I out on the bus to get to the sitter, I have to drag my kids out on the rode at ungodly hours to get them to the sitter as well. The main difference is that we’re all getting a work out on our way to our destinations.

As my mom always said, “I gotta do what I gotta do.”

Truer words are rarely ever spoken.

Share

3
comments

Posted in My Life

Jul 11

Facing the Truth: Debt, Desperation and Deserving it All

I started this year with a grand vision. I’d get more active, start really focusing on building my freelance business and head off to grad school in the fall. The active part I have pretty well under control (mostly because I don’t have a car and I’ve been using a bike to get around). I’ve managed to drum up some freelance work, but I quickly realized that being full-time freelance by the end of the year was not going to happen. As for grad school, it was the first thing to come off the table as something to work toward this year.

You see, one of the most important steps in starting a business is to get real regarding your finances and ideally, ditching bad habits. Just as I started to pull back the veil to really examine the truth about my crumbling financial foundation, I realized I had to make some changes before I could begin launching any escapes.

Grad school would cost a hefty $100k (not including living expenses, child care, transportation, books…etc.) and I had no desire to dig myself deeper into debt. Unfortunately, I had ignored certain debts too long and was soon confronted with them in most unpleasant ways: car repossession and the threat of wage garnishment if I didn’t start paying my student loan.

I was embarrassed; both creditors had found me at work. The student loan people called my direct extension, but it was a coworker who alerted me that my car was being towed; I had to bring all the crap from my car to my desk. Talk about a wake-up call. If you know anything about Southern California, you know it is not a good place to be without a car. But now I see having a car as luxury, one I cannot currently afford.

So I bought a bike and a bus pass. I’ve also not missed a payment on my student loan since that fateful call.

The next step was to look at what other expenses I could scale back. I had this apartment that I was happy for at the time–escaping from recent outbreaks of violence in my long-time subsidized housing–but now it was starting to look over-priced. I was starting to see graffiti at the edges of the neighborhood and neither the boy nor I cared for the school he was attending. I felt isolated from my friends and family, most of whom lived 30 minutes to an hour away. I was struggling to make ends meet and really starting to feel the pressure.

I had two choices: Get a roommate or find a smaller apartment.

I waffled back and forth (very briefly) before deciding to take the plunge into finding new digs. Sure, I could save more money by getting a roommate, but I’d also be giving up my privacy and inviting a stranger to live with me and my child. I just wasn’t comfortable with that. If I moved, I could go to a city I liked and get closer to my family, while being able to maintain the privacy I valued so much.

So I made a list, a vision–if you will–of all the things I required of my new abode. I wanted a place walking or biking distance from the beach, with a private balcony or patio, a bedroom (not one of those Jr. 1 bedrooms that don’t have a separate sleeping space) and I wanted to save $200-300 a month. I gave my 30 day notice–effectively burning my ship–and started booking appointments and submitting applications. Again though, I was confronted with my poor financial history. While I had a good income and had never been evicted or filed bankruptcy, with so many things in collections, I looked like a risky proposition for a tenant and I was rejected several times.

Mentally, I began making compromises. Maybe I didn’t need a patio and maybe I didn’t need a bedroom. Maybe I should look at this piece of shit apartment over here because it’s been on the market for so long and they might be willing to negotiate. Maybe I can’t afford to live close to the beach. Maybe I’m not worthy of what I desire.

When I was declined just as my 30 days ran out, I started to doubt even more. Maybe I’d made a huge mistake. I should have waited to give my notice. What if no one is willing to give me a chance?

I felt weary but it was in this darkest moment I made up my mind that the doubt was a lie. I would have was I was looking for. It was out there for me, I just hadn’t found the one yet. It would come and it would be on time. I got an extension on my moving date and resumed my search with a strange feeling of calm.

I was more determined than ever, but somewhere along the way, I ditched my desperation flag.

You know the one flapping around going, “Hey I’m in need! I need and I need. Please help me because I NEED.”

Would you take a chance on someone so needy? Most people won’t. Not when it comes to their money.

It was really do-or-die time, but I had decided not to worry about whether or not things would work out. With every application I submitted, I let it go. I could not control the property owners, nor could I control the outcome of the applying. If it was meant to be mine, they would say yes and until someone said yes, I knew that the right place was waiting for me.

Then a rental agent I had been working with called me. He had submitted an application for a condo we saw a few weeks prior and I was approved. All I needed to do was go sign the lease, take in my deposit and move in when I was ready.

So, in two weeks [UPDATE: I moved in almost two weeks ago an I love it! More details on the new crib in a later post], I’ll be sitting on my lovely patio, at my new beach condo, saving money on rent every month and biking to the beach on Saturdays with my boys.

And I didn’t have to make any compromises.

True enough, my finances are a mess. It’s also true that I will prosper as my soul prospers. The lie is that I don’t deserve any of the things I’m seeking: financial, physical and spiritual health. The truth is that I deserve it all. We all do.

Originally published at the Live Your Truth blog.

Share

2
comments

Posted in Goal Setting, My Life

Array