Ah…Love

The last year or so has been a bummer romantically. Being newly single – after separating from my husband of 4 years, partner for 8 – the time came when I decided I was ready to go out and meet new people. For all of my trying, I never did recapture a real social life, or at least not in the way I thought I should. I’m still in my 20s so shouldn’t I be out having crazy fun every night? Bar hopping, clubbing and such?

Oh bah! To be honest, all of those things had lost their luster long ago when I was doing it before I was even legal drinking age. But the question remained, where does a girl meet a guy? Hell, isn’t there somewhere to go that doesn’t involve sitting in front of a computer, where I could meet new people?

Turns out that there is no simple answer. I hung out with my best friend at the local Irish pub, attended micro brew tappings, flew across the country for a Vinemeet, went to Seattle for one music festival and to San Francisco for another, and while it was all fun, there seemed to be no hope of a new love connection on the horizon for me.

And then one day I decided to take a risk and ask a guy I had been running in the same internet circle with for nearly three years, if we could connect outside of our public social networks. He was all for it and immediately we hit it off. We talked about everything and nothing; openly and honestly…intimately.

We spoke almost every night, so much so that over the next couple of weeks, he became the last person I spoke to before going to sleep…haunting my dreams. There was a familiar free falling, heart thumping feeling, but I kept trying to push it down until one day I finally admitted it to myself that I loved him…But how could I tell him? I mean, would it scare him? It scared me…

One night, I hinted around cryptically about feeling something I wasn’t ready to say yet and he knew exactly what I was talking about…

“What you’ve been thinking all day…is that you’re in love.”

Where does he get off being so cocky and knowing? Fucker…

But he was right. I was entirely smitten. Thinking about him all day, dreaming about him at night…Couldn’t get him out of my head. It took him a couple days to admit that he was feeling the same way, and then yesterday, I actually said the words, I love you.

And he loves me back!

Suffice it to say, I was floating on a euphoric love cloud for the rest of the day. I hope this feeling never goes away.

Tags: Love, Romance

Family Drama on the Late Night

Last night I was in the bed, dozing – or at least trying to – and I get a call from my sister…

“K, I might be moving in sooner than expected,” she says, voice cracking.

“Why?” I ask. “What happened?”

“Well, something happened to mom’s computer and they’re blaming me. Cee (our little brother) told them that I was the last one on the computer and now they’re calling me a liar, and Dre told me to pack up my bags. They’re kicking me out.”

I could hear the angst in her voice. I didn’t know if she’d messed up the computer, didn’t really care for that matter. I had no desire to get into the middle of a dispute amongst a household of people I did not live with.

“You know you can come here…” I said with a sigh. “Is Dre going to bring you here?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure…” I could here her composure starting to crack. “I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight.”

“Who are you talking to?” I hear my mother ask sharply in the background. “You’re always calling people talking shit about me and don’t even tell the whole story.”

Wow…she can’t even call people to talk about how she feels or ask for a place to stay without being yelled at and accused of talking shit?

“Put mom on the phone,” I said exaspirated.

“Hello,” she says, slightly less abruptly but I could still hear the irritation in her voice.

“Mom, she called to talk to me. You don’t know what she’s saying, so just let her talk.” I had meant to add a little sugar to my tone but I responded to her with my own aggrivation at having to mediate any part of this dispute.

She doesn’t say another word to me. However, after handing my sister back the phone she continues yelling in the background.

“You guys just talk to me like shit!” She wails. “She doesn’t even tell the whole story and Kim yells at me to just fucking let her talk…” She trails off .

Oh the drama from my mamma. Whatever…

Ignoring the yelling and commotion in the background I tell my sister, “I’m not going to get in the middle of whatever you guys have going on there and I’m not coming to pick you up, but you know you can come here.”

I heard the slightest bit of relief in her sigh. “Ok sis, thank you.”

“And Ja?” I could at least give her some bit of encouragement. “I know it sucks to be treated in a way you feel is unfair, especially by people you love, but don’t let it get you down.

It was all I had to give at the late hour…It was all she could handle before breaking down into hysteria.

“It just hurts…” She said between sobs.

“I know, Ja. I know. But you can come here.”

I don’t even want to think about what happened when we got off the phone. All I could think is how messed up it is that my 18-year-old sister was an adult and didn’t even know what that meant. She was unprepared, ill equipt and being put on the metro rail with whatever she could carry the next day. There wasn’t much I could do besides be there for her, but I refuse to over-extend myself…

In the end, I was just angry at my mother…

Family sucks sometimes. *sigh*

Tags: drama, family, siblings

What a Day, What a Day!

I’m still adjusting to the morning crunch. As soon as I get in, I’m pretty much buried in work until after noon. Checking this, confirming that, programming this…it’s like opening a closet that is overloaded with clutter.

Only the clutter keeps falling no matter how much of it you place properly.

I suppose this makes my job sound dreadful; I assure you it is not. It does however keep me very busy and just when I think I have a handle on things…something else falls on my head.

So I busted my butt to get the editorial programming done so I could spend the afternoon researching story ideas and looking through the November issue of the magazine. I had been back from lunch for about an hour when the producer IMed me and asked if I had the newsletter ready.

?!

Dammit to hell!

So I cranked out two newsletters in less than an hour, took a deep breath and went back to browsing the magazine.

As the final hour approached, something told me to check the channels that were going to production tomorrow morning. Imagine my horror when I opened the document and none of the changes I had worked on earlier were anywhere on the spreadsheet!

I put my head on the desk to prevent anyone seeing my eyes well up.

"Uh…Kimberlee?" The new staff writer said tentatively. "What’s wrong?"

"All the programming I did this morning is gone," I said clicking through the pages in disbelief.

"You didn’t save it somewhere else?"

"Nope," I sighed, checking other folders.

I could feel the panic rising but worked hard to fight it off. I did however, walk calmly to the bathroom where I allowed myself to cry for about a minute, until someone else walked in.

Once back at my desk, I focused on redoing what had already been done and undone. I left the office at 10 minutes to six.

This job is proving to be the most exciting, challenging and stressful one I have had thus far. I hope I get a handle on it soon. I’m exhausted. 

Choosing Change

Forget white or black, male or female, young or old…I know that part of the reason the US is currently an international joke is because our leaders, have abused their power. They sent our youth to fight a war based on lies, deregulated everything in the hopes that greedy capitalists would police themselves, and preyed on the xenophobia and fears of the populous. When will the American people grow tired of politicians who are nothing but a collection of sound bites, who tell bold face lies to gain our trust and who do the opposite of what they say they will?

When I decided who my presidential candidate was, I took several things into account: principle, character, heart and policy. I chose Barak Obama because I see that he truly has a heart for the middle class, working person. He believes in the American Dream because he is living it. He knows and understands that we workers are the nation’s economic wheel. That the reason for the current economic collapse is because the middle class has been bled dry by weasels in the finance industry who were allowed to run amok by the Bush administration. He will not let the country continue disregarding its people in the name of faux national security. And while there are points on which I strongly disagree with Obama (namely his support of Israeli Zionism), I will vote for him because I still think he is the right person for the job.

When I watched the debates over the last couple weeks I noticed that neither of the candidates really said much with substance. I was however, disgusted by John McCain’s "I’ve been around for a long time" cadence combined with his co-opting of the "campaign for change." On top of this, he selected a running mate who doesn’t know the office she’s running for is part of the Executive Branch or what the Bush Doctrine is, who makes up lies about the other candidate’s financial plan because she doesn’t know that only 3% of the population makes over $200k annually and whose idea of a debate is sticking to the talking points given her by her campaign managers (regardless of the question asked). I’d say we, as a nation, are screwed if team McCain/Palin gets elected to the White House.

It frustrates me that there are people who will vote for them. Who actually believe the bile that came out of Palin’s mouth last Thursday and are comforted by old man McCain. It saddens me to think that there are people who will vote for McCain just to vote against the black man and that there are people who will vote for Obama for the same reason. Although both positions are symptoms of ignorance, the later at least indicates some sort of hope on the part of certain sectors of the population, while the former is a symptom of racism. Hopefully the educated, silent majority to exercise their voices come Novemeber and allow Barak Obama to be the catalyst for change this nation is in dire need of.

Talk About Walking Into My Dream Job!

This week has been wonderful and exhausting; overwhelming and exciting. As of yesterday, I finished my first week at the new job; and what a fabulous week it was. Without giving away too much (I’m still not so sure about this "personal blogging" thing), I’ll just say this is my first corporate job and with a national magazine.

I had been applying for jobs all summer, with Yahoo and Sage, MTV and VH1, Conde Nast and TimeWarner. Had prepared myself for the possibility that I might have to move for the job I wanted, knowing I wanted to stay right here in good ‘ol SoCal…And then I saw the opening for Community Editor and the job description sounded just like something I was both qualified for and would have fun doing.

Here’s the thing, I love how no matter how bad things seem to get, determination and a positive attitude can sustain you through most things. Your skills can get you through the door, but more often than not, it is personality that gets people hired.

So Monday I walk into my new job and almost immediately – much faster than most were expecting – was able to take over the basic responsibility of the job; not like plugging content into a spreadsheet for website is difficult. It didn’t take long for me to begin to see that plugging in content is the bare minimum of what my job entails. Over the course of the week I heard statements such as "become the expert" and "she’s going to master…" and I started to feel the slightest bit of pressure, realizing that plugging in content – a very important task indeed – was the least of what I was expected to do.

If I’m being honest myself, I’d have to admit that I was feeling overwhelmed by Wednesday. The other editors had already pretty much let go of the part of my job they had been doing. I mean I said I wanted to learn by doing, but I didn’t mean I wanted to be left to my own devices. The autonomy was almost immediate and on my third day, it was a bit stressful. No to mention that I realized I had already made my first mistake, which resulted in a second. I handled it though and took some deep breaths.

Friday was the best day of the week. No, not because it was the last day, but because it was the first that I felt like I was really getting the hang of the job. When I checked my email, there was one from my Managing Editor (who will be ME from now on), saying he had a project for me to work on and that he wanted me to start writing as well. I spent most of my day, reading, researching and finding story ideas. It was awesome!

So I got week one down and I’m excited for the next. How’s that for walking into your dream job. That’s twice for me!

Anyone else got a story about their first week at their dream job? Leave a comment or post it on your own blog and leave me the link in the comments. Do share.