Despite feeling swamped with work, I’ve also been feeling like all the world is a possibility. This is largely in part because my clients are doing well and would like more of my time. I feel like I’ve finally made it through the toughest part of the building phase and have been starting to feel a sense of financial stability again. The problem now is that there isn’t enough time to do it all.

But from this vantage point — that of a busy and in-demand freelancer — I feel it’s time to look beyond the goal of replacing my previous salary to increasing productivity, figuring out how to scale the business and make more money without feeling like I’m constantly working. I’ve also been weighing my desire to write against the desire to edit and asking myself, what’s next.

And then a friend sent me an email about a writing assignment. His company was having an event and he wanted me to write a feature. We had been talking about his need a feature writer, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. If I was available despite the short notice, they would cover the travel expenses and pay me a nice fee for the article.

Now, the all-expenses-paid travel assignment is a rare find for today’s freelance writers. I’ve heard tale from more seasoned freelance writers of this type of assignment, but even most of those who did travel for assignments before, say that type of work has practically dried up. Unless, of course, what you write about is travel.

It just so happened that I was having a slow week, so I said yes. And with just a few days notice, I flew off to Phoenix to cover a an event at an up-and-coming software company called Infusionsoft.

I was excited and anxious but when I arrived at the Infusionsoft offices, the atmosphere was simply magic. The air was buzzing and in the center of it all was this event they called the 48-Hour Implementation Accelerator, which is what I was there to write about. Without giving away too much (because the story is pending — more on that later), I’ll just say that this assignment was like a dream and I hope to do more like it. And it wasn’t just because the client was very organized and friendly. It’s not entirely because of the travel, which I’m sure will continue to be rare. (But I’m totally vying for one of the two blogger positions at Infusioncon.)

This was a dream assignment because I was writing about something new and interesting. I have always enjoyed event coverage, interviewing people and writing the story. I was there to write a story and it felt good. It also reminded me that while I love editing and it pays most of the bills, writing is where my heart is.

When I got home I picked up a gift from long time mentor Erin Gruwell, a bookmark that read “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.” And now I’m asking myself how I can incorporate more of my heart into my work and move closer to realizing my dream of making a living as a writer. Being the O.C. guide is a start, but I want more.

And all it took the trip to Phoenix and Infusionsoft for me to realize what the more was that I wanted. Now I’m at a fork in the road, and no matter which way I turn, the possibilities are endless.

Not so long ago, I shared my feelings of despair about watching the American Dream being dismantled and the new battle for civil rights. Recently though, this despair has turned into hope as the nation has been swept by Occupy Wall Street and other aligned acts of civil disobedience.

It would seem that the working class people of the United States are starting to wake up out of their complacent consumer daze. Where at first the media treated the story as if it was non-existent, they later began dismissing the protests with “what do they want” spin.

But as police violence has erupted in the New York epicenter of the Occupy Wall Street movement and the media worked to spin the protests as the act of the “entitlement generation” and without direction, the movement continued to grow. It grew from one small group in New York (who has been there for nearly a month), to groups in Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco and talks of more in cities across the country.

Indeed it is time for all of us to recall the sacrifices made by previous generations who fought for civil rights and freedom before, the sacrifices being made now, and what our own contributions will be to this grass-roots movement for change.

Yes, watching the videos of the police pepper spraying protesters and beating them with batons is scary. The threat of being arrested for standing up against injustice is scary. But being afraid is part of what has gotten us where we are to day and not standing is simply providing consent.

Standing in the face of such violent opposition may well be the only way to get the attention of those in power — the people who are elected to serve and represent the people — and remind them that we will not stand by and watch the republic be ruined by greed. We the people, must stand, and remind our government who it is truly accountable to.

Are you ready to stand?

Image via _PaulS_

I have a confession to make: I’m having what I’ll call a blogging crisis. As I’ve written more and more about motherhood, I’ve felt more lost about my content focus. I’ve never considered myself a “mommy blogger” in the sense that I wrote about my children; I’m more of a writer who mothers.

So when I had all these ideas start to pile up about the lessons I’m learning on the journey to figure out exactly how I want to live my life as a free agent, I felt stuck.

And so I didn’t write. And then I felt bad because I hadn’t written anything and didn’t know how to get back to where I wanted my focus to be. How do I go from the boy playing football to reflecting on life and the things I’ve learned since jumping into the freelance waters? How to I bring my reflections back to introspection, rather than musing about my child?

Some would say, I could start a separate blog to focus on all my interests. It sounds simple in theory, but seriously, who has time for multiple blogs to maintain when they’ve got a business to run?

So again, I feel like I’m starting over, and I seem to do this once in a while. Sometimes I just need to step back to get some perspective on where I’m going and what I’m doing. Sometimes, I just need a break.

But because I am so compelled to share, I’ll always come back. Hopefully, you’ll stay on the ride with me, even when it gets stuck.

Image © Anna Tesar

Yesterday they started hitting. I knew it was coming, that’s part of what football is about after all. It’s that fearless willingness to go running full force, into another human being, in the name of the game.

But I’ve never seen the first day. And when the coaches put the boys into three lines with, three experienced players defending the “in zone,” and I heard the sound of helmets crashing together, I winced. Over and over. I thought, “this can’t be normal,” and listened to murmurs from the other moms that they had never seen anything like this before.

I looked around the field and saw the other teams doing various versions of first day contact and I was afraid for my skinny little skater boy. One of the three defenders was going to hit him. My heart raced as he got closer to the front of line and other boys walked away either pumped or looking shocked. Was the boy really ready for this?

The answer quickly became no, when he cried after being hit and was sent to me to get some water. “They crush my rib!” He snatched off his helmet as I assured him his ribs were fine. “No, seriously. I heard it crunch.”

I touched his ribs, poking and watching for signs of pain. Nothing. “You’re fine,” I said. But I wanted to take my baby and go home. Still, I resisted the urge to coo sweet mommy-ness all over him when he said he wanted to go home.

“Just get through practice,” I told him.

“I almost bit my tongue,” he whined. “This mouth guard isn’t working.”

“Tell your coach and ask him what you should do,” I said.

He looked toward the field and pulled his helmet on. “How much longer?”

“7:30.”

“So just another 30 minutes?”

I was snapping his chin strap. “Yep.”

“Ok,” he said. “I can do this.”

I pulled his face mask close. “No fear boy.”

He nodded and ran back to the line.

I continued to be concerned through the rest of practice and everyone asked how the boy was doing. He was a little intimidated, I told one dad, who later gave the boy some pointers. Stay low, keep your head up and keep your feet moving.

I went over these three things with the boy later as we did some stretches before bed. I also told him about overhearing the coaches and parents talking about the kids who would give up before the week was over.

“Do you want to be one of those kids?”

“No,” the boy said softly.

“Look at me,” I said. “Are you going to be one of the kids who gives up the first week of contact?”

The boy lifted his chin and looked me in the eye. “No.”

“Alright,” I said. “Now get your stankin’ ass in the shower.”

Image via jdanvers/Flicker